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Effect II: The Fall

by The Budd Dwyer Effect

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1.
Needle in the haystack I found you Cuts wide open, ligaments exposed Sorry face, sore disgrace to your family Almost thought I'd join you Selflessness is keeping me alive Read the obituary, it didn't seem so clear At the time, everything reminded me of that night on the pier Do I drop in the water, let it flow What's my decision here Do I drop in the water, let it flow Or should I let you go Oh my fucking god What have I done It reads like angst between these lines But I regret so many things in all of my past lives Is this what you wanted, not like it really matters Keep calling I keep calling and still nobody answers The ghost of a beautiful, pure fucking soul Six feet under, broke off one half a whole Leave it, let it go Serotonin syndrome has locked me into manic mode Am I fucked up, what is my fucking deal So far I think you weren't lying when you said you had issues Schismatic lobotomy "You've got psychological issues pal" Says the one who killed themself Rolling on the floor laughing About some shock commentary bullshit Who can I make mad today So far just myself Oh my fucking god What have I done It reads like angst between these lines But I regret so many things in all of my past lives I found you Cuts wide open, ligaments exposed Sorry face, sore disgrace to your family Almost thought I'd join you Selflessness is keeping me alive Is this what you wanted, not like it really matters Keep calling I keep calling and still nobody answers The ghost of a beautiful, pure fucking soul Six feet under, broke off one half a whole Is this what you wanted So be it
2.
Call me back at your latest convenience Five unread messages, all from corporate Is terminal west the same as terminal east All workers on overdrive You must own your license for 12 months Before we can consider your application Wasting your time is not our policy Be sure to drug test before we tell you these things Possession of a vehicle is mandatory Four grand a month, what a steal Do you prefer part-time or full-time I'd prefer if you shut the fuck up Background checks into my malevolence Meetings, interviews, I'm sick of this Something tells me you're a part of the test A Turing of my patience and my lack of rest You must own your license for 12 months Before we can consider your application [Incoherent scatting] Suffering a system of majority Wait times to flex their superiority Flying out the window with the papers Flying out with the papers *Beep* uhm leave a message after the beep Oh the beep already happened, fuck Call me back whenever you can Incompetent fucking cunts running the system Failing the system Incompetent pricks, dicks Running the system into the ground I'm no more a failure than you Why do you marginalise me Like a kick to the chest I've worked so hard for this You must own your license for 12 months Before we can consider your application Suck my dick
3.
Cut It Off 03:35
To them it must have seemed like Two long lost lovers meeting for the second to last time A sickly repose rooted in all those books you read Where romance is a chemical reaction observed through nihilism Stepping into the building Cold air, getting colder "What'll you take" says the wrinkled crow Just a coffee please, a coffee's fine I'm working on my appetite Trying to get down to 165 "You should eat" says the bitch in black Just a coffee please, a coffee's fine "You should eat" says the bitch in black Just a coffee please, a coffee's fine Just fine To them I must have looked like a psychopath Not that I cared what anybody else thought anyway Drink up, it's getting cold Live a little while you're still not old I can count on one hand The number of times you've called me "friend" And here you repay me By not drinking what I paid for Here's the list if you even care Faggot, retard, incompetent That's who I am to you Is this what I am to you To them I must have looked like a psychopath Not that I cared what anybody else thought To them I must have looked like a psychopath Not that I cared what anybody else thought Cut it off
4.
The phoenix he helped create Out of control, boy without a dad Shot the gun that startled my life While I drove him with a forty-five Friends for years, images in red Blew off his own motherfucking head Confidence, death, insecurity Men fall unrealized Unrealized, unrealized Making a decision of death While everyone around you plead Now you fly in peace I hope, my friend A man can't avoid what he's meant to do When he's meant to do it Even if he doesn't really want to My memories are of fun and friendship Of weakness within the strength of youth For reasons undefined, reasons undefined Reasons undefined, reasons undefined Friends for years, images in red Blew off his own motherfucking head Confidence, death, insecurity Your men fall unrealized Don't you realize evil lives in the motherfucking skin? Don't you realize that evil lives in the motherfucking skin? Don't you realize that evil lives in the motherfucking skin? Don't you realize that evil lives in the skin? Don't you realize evil lives in the motherfucking skin? Don't you realize that evil lives in the motherfucking skin? Why the fuck did you take him away from us, you motherfucker, —fucker, —fucker, —fucker?!
5.
Woah! 03:49
Hands shaking, I can barely concentrate The words written, indicative of a darker state My eyes, twitching to and fro you are Doubled in my line of sight Lips, soft, I try to kiss them but it's all lost Endorphins, fulfilling a sexual goal for naught Five years, or was it two I can't quite recall The day you disappeared was the day I made the fall Doctor can you hear me, this is my last request Cut me very slowly, I don't deserve it fast Save your pills, save your mask, I need the pain Let me feel every inch of your blade Is this too edgy for you Cry your tears out you fucking baby, and take your bottle too "Oh I can't handle concepts involving shocking subjects" "My name is pussy, I'm so weak that words make me sick" This is an FYI to all you attention-starved rejects These words aren't trite, take an SSRI, feel it fucking bite Woah! I'm not sorry doc Expression keeps me sane I miss her lips so fucking much Her sounds Just to hear her moan again The lust The alcohol's worn off Hands shaking Hands shaking, I can barely concentrate The words written, indicative of a darker state My eyes, twitching to and fro you are Doubled in my line of sight Here we are suffocating In our own skin Here we are suffocating In our own skin
6.
Scalpel please Another day at work New patient, what's his name, doesn't matter Pulling the blanket backwards Revealing the skin I knocked a shot back prior I'm feeling set to win Keep your eyes shut, you needn't be awake Nurse, a little more sedative for his sake Keep your eyes shut, you needn't be awake The anticipation's giving me the shakes Keep steady Stop shaking In it goes Blood everywhere Is this what I signed up for Sharp instruments piercing his core Live human, presented before me Memories, dreams, a dying piece of meat Not cut out for this line of work Might go back to being a cook Doctor Parkinson's Scalpel please Liquor and a scalpel please Liquor and a scalpel please Dying, do not resuscitate I'm very confident in my actions As your superior I command you to look away Keep your eyes shut, you needn't be awake Nurse, a little more sedative for his sake One, two, three, four, one two three One, two, three, four, one two three One, two, three, four, one two three One, two, three incisions I am finding sexual arousal in this It's a little too late to stop the operation I imagine if I moaned It would sound like [Moan] I imagine if I moaned It would sound just like [Sigh]
7.
Wellbutrin, zoloft, oh what a joy A part of the self, the mind stays sick Prozac, faux Latin attributed to pills of gold GABAergic delights need not apply This is it The eclipse Obscured By my fat tits Peddling drugs to a fractured mind Benzodiazepines will keep you in line Chin up puppy, obey your master Suck this chemical cock Leave it to fate Leave it to fate I'm going backwards This'll always be a part of me I'm going backwards This'll always be a part of me Suffering no more What secrets does the mind hold This is it The eclipse Obscured By my fat tits I'll still fade down the drink Nothing could replace you, baby Nothing makes me feel the same No matter what I take Loss of pleasure in life Reaching for a dangerous rush Bring me closer to death To feel alive I hurt those around me Smashing everything, it annoys me Inanimate objects, death toll 100 A sniveling little punk with the halo of an angel Smash it, I'll smash it Leave it to fate Eat well, exercise Cull all the weight On the body is equal to the mind Can't satiate My appetite for freedom The last time I ate Was a pizza with beer on the side Smash it, I'll smash it Wellbutrin, zoloft, oh what a joy A part of the self, the mind stays sick Prozac, faux Latin attributed to pills of gold GABAergic delights need not apply This is it One, two, three, four, five, six The eclipse One, two, three Obscured One, two, three, four By my fat tits One, two This is it
8.
Revolving around the centre It finds me now The origin of all life's suffering Cowering under the weight of its might Crushing, smashing everything Revolutions in time Synchronously itself Dividing itself in sixths Natural-born osmo-plasmic Bio-arborous creature Reaching its natural state One of hate, one of peacefulness Your face, so beautiful Is this what you want, this is what you want Is this what you want, this is what you want Is this what you want Revolutions in time Is this what you want, this is what you want Is this what you want, this is what you want Is this what you want Synchronously itself Is this what you want So much glory, so much pain So much, so much glory So much, so much glory So much, so much pain So much, so much glory Falling backwards Into nothing This is what you want, a fucking shell No, a fucking puppet This is what you want, you want me to be Dependent on your give-outs and your love Your only sane grace, your only assets This is what you want You fucking monster, you fucking dickhead Let's try again No I am so sick of these Dreams that you left me to die with Do you ever think about me too What did I ever do to deserve this Where did I even fucking come from Who the fuck am I Like you'll ever know Sometimes the mirror tells me things that you will never know Just gotta step back and let the little flowers grow Where did I put my keys, I gotta go back home, home Where did I end up, where am I even going You were so beautiful until the mirror cracked Holding onto everything Holding onto everything Holding onto everything Holding on I am so sick of these Dreams that you left me to die with Do you ever think about me too What did I ever do to deserve this Where did I even fucking come from Revolutions in time Synchronously itself So much glory, so much pain So much, so much glory So much, so much glory So much, so much pain So much, so much glory
9.
You do mean a fuck to me You mean as much to me as you think you do This feeling fucking sucks, I don't care I'm eighty percent satisfied with this Where did the twenty percent go To the dope, to the blow I'm eighty percent satisfied with this Where did the twenty percent go I think you know I love you I loved it I really want to be completely transparent here But I'm afraid, I guess It's spiritual, emotional love That's the only word I can think of to describe it You could say that, I guess I will be transparent in this case This was all for you This was all for you Presented in rows orderly Neatly organised I'm gonna die some day, I better try something My life is slipping through the cracks of yesterday Not satisfied Fuck, why Sleep, so peaceful Sleep, so peaceful Tantalizing, am I that tantalising Am I that tantalising Am I that tantalising Am I that tantalising Judging by your eyes, we both can say that's true Don't be dissatisfied by my dissatisfaction Locked away in the cottage of dreams A million miles away from its source in sleep Won't you sleep with me Sleep, so peaceful Sleep, so peaceful I'm eighty percent satisfied with this Where did the twenty percent go To the dope, to the blow I'm eighty percent satisfied with this Where did the twenty percent go I think you know I love you I loved it

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released April 24, 2022

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The Budd Dwyer Effect St. Louis, Missouri

The Industry Is Dead And We Have Killed It.

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